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Conversations are to Paris what dance battles are to hip hop: moments of truth, shortcuts to glory.
A conversation in Paris is both a scene and a battle. Parisians win conversations. That’s what they do.
For non-Parisians, this habit may seem unpleasant. For Parisians, it’s a mind work out. Some people play Sudoku, Parisians converse. Sure enough, Parisians sometimes indulge in small talk. They do. After all, they are human beings. But small talking is no conversing.
Conversing in Paris is an activity with two strict rules. Rule number one is that a Parisian conversation can only tackle the following topics: politics, economy or geostrategy. No other subject is acceptable. Vulgar. Rule number two is a state of mind. To converse like a Parisian, systematic opposition is necessary. If the Parisian is opposed to his fellow converser’s point, it means he obviously knows more than him. His opponent soon enough starts wondering if the Parisian’s knowledge is endless. Well done, the Parisian is starting to destroy his opponent’s confidence.
Winning conversations is a matter of dignity in Paris.
If you just partake in a conversation, you are a loser. If you lose a conversation, you are humiliated. You need to win. It is a necessity. Therefore, dirty strategies are wildly tolerated.
A dirty trick Parisians like to pull is to come up with figures.
Statistics.
Percentages.
Parisians love figures in their conversations. This is a hard blow for opponents to counter. There is usually no coming back. It is implicit Parisian knowledge that the figure you come up with does not need to be true. It just needs to be well presented (“The other day, I was reading a UN report that…”). Parisians cannot get enough of the deadly efficiency of the dirty statistics strategy. They use it at all stages of conversation: as a final blow, as a continuous flow or as a way to counter the opponent’s superior reasoning.
Parisians have a sense of aesthetic beauty in the intellectual combat-à-mort a good Parisian conversation ought to be. Many Parisians will therefore stand for a cause they absolutely do not believe in. Especially when the room is filled with consensus. Consensus is a turn on for many Parisians. The opportunity to take on a whole group of people is rare but potentially extremely rewarding. If you win, you will be feared and revered. This is gold for a Parisian.
When talking to his socialist friends, the Parisian will systematically wage a fierce crusade against les fonctionnaires, criticizing relentlessly the inefficiency of French bureaucracy. When talking to his friends from America, the same Parisian will sing the praises of the wonderful protection sociale France offers, talking credit and bragging about the admirable achievements of French public transportation or hospitals while showing obvious contempt for American disgustingly individualistic society…
Conversations about wars are also a great intellectual work out for Parisians. All Parisians are known to be completely pro and anti-war in Afghanistan. Depending on their audience.
In the occurrence where he needs to, a few days apart, be successively pro and anti a certain subject, it is of course fully acceptable for the Parisian to reuse his previous opponent’s arguments.
Some may consider this duplicity.
In Paris, it’s called brilliance.
Useful tip: When completely ignorant about a certain topic, use the Parisian women’s strategy and call others “party poopers” or “too serious”.
Sound like a Parisian: « Je lisais récemment que plus de 45 000 espèces animales ont disparu au cours des 20 dernières années…»
Tags: conversations, opponents, talking
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I guess the question is…Do you like or do you not like the Parisian species?
You didnt even say goodby to me on Friday night. Conversation w/ you was interesting to say the least! Next time you are in LBI let me know..xoxo
Linny… It’s not about liking or not liking… Come on!! This is Paris!!
Joanie… I let you in the hands of a handsome rugby player. Even vaguely drunk, I’m such a team player!
Excellent blog. This is the really first one I’ve found which gives me a good sense of what goes on in Paris, not the usual textbook items found in most guidebooks. -Roy
Before moving to Paris, my French husband’s friends came to visit us in the states for a couple of weeks. I have never been told that, “I take things so seriously” to such a degree in my life. For example, I recycled like a maniac and preferred organic food – this for some reason just drove them nuts!
Here I thought that maybe I was being too stuffy for their taste… turns out that maybe, just maybe they just didn’t have a response!
This is so spot-on! Merci, Olivier.
Dinner table conversations in Paris are especially bewildering for an American like me unaccustomed to the winning game.
I’m learning to prefer the apero dinatoire, where everyone just mills around: no mortal combat of the wits outwitting the wits. Aids the digestion!
I agree… very little fun in watching the thing happen. And I guess it takes being a local to wanna partake!
Some of us “foreign girls” from Vienna will be in Paris at the end of October. The forecast predicts dancing, drinking and being merry
so the Parisian men should get their salsa dancing shoes ready.
G.J… Don’t worry! Lots of unused testosterone in Paris!!
Testosterone by night…..hhmmm…..what about boule players by day? Would October be too late to be seen outside? I will be bringing my boules with me for some competitive advice from a Parisian point of view; if I would be lucky enough to be granted such a thing…..
If a Parisian hits you with the statistics card tell then tell them that 80% of all statistics are wrong…
Philosophy is also a major parisian topic. Which true parisian cannot comment during hours on Nietsche or Sartre?
You have just described every dinner party I’ve ever had involving my French husband and his friends. The statistics thing is SO TRUE. And it’s so unfair! During such socio-political debates, I often deliver what I consider to be a perfectly presented and well-founded argument, and WHAM! One of the French will throw out some crazy statistic proving that my argument is moot. It’s actually quite irritating, but I see now that it is simply Parisians being Parisians so maybe I shouldn’t take it so personally. Love your blog.