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Every Parisian is superior to all other Parisians.
There is no exception to that rule.
The definition of the criteria that make a certain Parisian superior to another one is rather convenient. There is none. In Paris, superiority is a state of mind. And consequently, a way of life.
Acknowledging inferior people is not a common thing to do in Paris. Therefore, acknowledging other people is just not customary. This approach to social life proves very efficient in many situations. One of the most striking ones in Paris is parking on the street.
The Parisian parks like an ass. And feels great about it.
Parking like an ass is a triple win for the Parisian: he sends out a clear message of superiority over the law and over others. Feeling good already. But what the Parisian can simply not get enough of is to watch his superiority in action.
I am superior, and I act superior. Which makes me superiorer.
Now who can beat that?
By parking like an ass, the Parisian saves time and annoys people. Which are two pleasing enough things for most Parisians. But, for the Parisian, the icing on the cake is that the second he leaves his car in the middle of the street, he becomes the king of all Parisians. He slams the door, takes a quick peek around, and smiles. “Yes, I am indeed your king”.
If he gets a ticket, the Parisian will systematically complain about l’état policier (left wing Parisian) or about the fact that everything is done in this city to make active people’s lives impossible (right wing Parisian). Who gives a ticket to the king anyway?
When caught red-handed, it is important to start an argument with the policeman. A ticket shall not be accepted straight up. The Parisian is not guilty; he’s busy.
Useful tip: DO NOT get a car if you live in Paris. And no worries: you can still park like an ass with a a scooter.
Sound like a Parisian: « J’y crois pas, cinq minutes en double file et j’me prends une prune !! C’est pas possible, vraiment ».
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Oh, the arguments I have witnessed between drivers and policeman. I love the exasperation of the superior driver expressed by blowing out through the lips in a horse-like grunt while raising hands to the sky in protest. Lots of fun to watch. Especially when the driver starts stamping around and waving arms frantically in protest.
And yes, the scooters are the most annoying of all. I hope you write a post on how to drive a scooter Parisian style.
there needs to be some kind of honorable mention in this post about the not paying parking tickets system works in paris. i’m not familiar with it enough myself, but i know it’s out there.
What I particularly like is the complete fulfillment of the name ‘bumpers’ in French parking. I remember one particular occasion, being driven home by a French colleague, a rather elderly lady, who proceeded to do a 7 point turn out of her parking space, hitting both the car in front and behind every single time. What made it even better, were the three French policemen standing there chatting, just sporadically glancing idly over at the sight.
Ms Glaze: Parisians are especially superior to cops, no question about it! Scooter-inspired post will probably come, sure!
Miki: Well, once we could count on la grace présidentielle, but didn’t work last time!!
Natasha: I did use my bumper once in America, my friend sitting next to me in the car looked at me like I had just committed a fellony. Bumpers are meant to be stroked, no big deal!
Just 2 days after reading this one, I witnessed it live! It happened exactly as you described, including the quick peek around, right in front of a Tabac, so all sitting outside could see it. And yes, like the car in the picture, on a corner, right on top of the white stripes. Amazingly parisian.
Your blog is just spot on!!! So much of that is, sadly, or funnily enough, true!!! Have you thought about writing something about Parisien versus “les pecnots”?
Catherine (a Parisienne who have been living in Sydney for 16 years).
The most definitive post about Parisians ever!
Clear Blue… My favorite part is when they look around!! Priceless!!
Catherine… Thank you very much (I noticed Aussies love to say spot on). You might wanna look up teh Calling People Beauf post.
Rachelle…. I’ll take that as a compliment?! Merci bcp!!
Extraordinaire! I love the subtle cheekiness of your blog, but even more, I just delight in it being so realistic and true. And ultimately raw! Having the ‘honor’ to hale from a city (Zagreb) where people are born superior a.k.a. kings/queens of the road, and where a kiss on a bumper is a reflection of benevolence, I find Les Parisiens quite charming but not that superior at all LOL. My compliments on a great blog and looking fw to more juicy posts.
Violet
People should read this.
Non mais “as an ass” il faut aussi comprendre “à Paris on se gare au bruit” meaning, you will push and shove any other vehicle while parking in a spot too small for your car.