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Parisians are all high flying anthropologists. They know about other people and about other countries. Expertly enough, they manage to synthesize their in-depth knowledge about the people of any given country down to one adjective. This adjective cannot be challenged. Thus proving that it is accurate.
As an example, Americans are stupid, Portuguese are hairy, Vietnamese are Chinese, and Belgians are sympa… ”Ils sont sympas les belges!” To cheer a Parisian up, there is nothing like mentioning the word “belge“. Immediately, a joyful and smily heap of thoughts will invade the Parisian’s mind.
The Parisian will be transported to a world of accents, of moules frites and of people laughing. At this point, the Parisian will most likely come up with a silly sentence delivered with with a poor Belgian accent. He will most likely end that sentence with the phrase “une fois“. “Mah tu n’es pas un peu con, une fois…” Very rarely in his life will he be as happy as right after he comes up with such a sentence. Genuine Parisian bliss.
Parisians never crack a Belgian joke. Too risky for their image. But they love les Belges even more as they can consider them through that comforting buffer of superiority that decades of Belgian jokes have established precisely at the border between France and Belgium. This buffer of superiority is emphasized by the Belgians’ drinking habits (“tu veux une bière, une fois?!”). Parisians truly look down on anyone that drinks. Interestingly enough, this perception is slightly amended for les Belges. Parisians find their drinking habits if not cute at least typical – and ultimately quite entertaining. The fact that a Belgian could be sad or not joyful is not something the Parisian is ready to cope with. Belgians are joyful, generally drunk and speak with a funny accent.
Period.
Parisians love spending time with Belgians. But these moments can only be occasional. The Parisian who spends time with Belgians runs the risk of gaining some form of light-heartenedness. Parisians know better than hedging such a risk. Social threat.
Two elements tarnish what otherwise would be a true perfect relationship for the Parisian. One – that half of the Belgians are Dutch (for Les Hollandais, ils sont chiants). Two – this habit the other half of Belgians have to use savoir for pouvoir. As in: “Tu saurais me passer le sel, s’il te plaît”. Other Belgian phrases amuse Parisians. This one makes them cringe. All the more so as the Belgian won’t change this habit – even when asked to do so by a Parisian. Disrepectful Belgians after all? The Parisian prefers to see them as children – “de grands enfants” (disrespectful being something the Parisian can never be).
On top of the favorite topics talked about with a Belgian ranks Belgian politics. The Parisian knows nothing about Belgian politics except for the fact that the country is about to burst. The Parisian knows that for sure. And that’s all the Belgian politics he wants to talk about. The only relevant question in Belgian politics to the Parisian is : when is Belgium becoming a part of France? At this point, le Belge usually says something about Brittany or Corsica. Then the Parisian gets offended. And talks about sex scandals in Belgium or Johnny Hallyday.
In no time at all, a Parisian with the best intention in the world turned a cloudless relationship into an embarassing fight scene. Had the Parisians stuck to his initial ‘entertain me, Belgian man’ ways, things would have been just fine.
Really, good intentions and Parisians don’t seem to work well together. Une fois.
Useful tip: Read les BDs Le Chat, by Belgian, kind and talented Philippe Geluck - funny stuff.
Sound like a Parisian: “On a rencontré des Belges en vacances, hyper sympa… tu vois, elle, bon humour, sympa, lui, gros déconneur, très sympa aussi. Parc contre, qu’est-ce qu’ils picolent!!”
Tags: belges, Belgians, Belgium, Countries, Culture, drinking, europe, Paris, parisians, prejudice
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Petite question vraisemblablement bébète du Belge que je suis : pourquoi ce blog est-il … en anglais ?
Olivier: LMAO. One of the funniest pieces you have written. “Vietnamese are Chinese” “At this point, le Belge usually says something about Brittany or Corsica. Then the Parisian gets offended.”
Instant classic…
François: Parce que le but principal du blog est d’enseigner ce qu’est un Parisien aux étrangers, ce qui limiterait pas mal le lectorat s’il était en français non ?
François… Bienvenue! La réponse de David est juste (merci). J’ajouterais qu’à la naissance de ce blog, deux choses me travaillaient… d’une part l’attitude générale des Parisiens et de l’autre la gnangnanterie de bon nombre d’anglo-saxons à l’égard de Paris et des Parisiens!! Je m’efforce bien modestement d’égratigner l’une et de rectifier l’autre. Et puis pour être tout à fait honnête, l’idée d’écrire en français m’effraie un peu.
David… Merci. Glad you liked it. After the previous post, I felt like we all needed a bit of fresh air!! Et qui mieux que les Belges pour nous extraire de la modération?!
“One – that half of the Belgians are Deutch…”
Shouldn’t that be “Dutch” (or “Flemish”) ?
Dutch… Well, it should indeed be Flemish (just like in the sentence “Vietnamese are Chinese”, it should be “Vietnamese are Vietnamese”). But then again, that would be like saying Bulgarians are not Polish. Some levels of refinement just don’t belong in Paris
As per the typo, thanks for pointing it out – I corrected it! Cheers!
Could you please translate the comments in French to English for the Americans reading your blog?
A biting, and therefore true, satire on the nature of relations between Belgian and French people. On the other side of the border, the French-speaking Belgians seem to want nothing more than to be French. Or at least, French in culture. But you know — shhh! — the Walloons think they speak a truer form of French than the French. So laugh at that, Parisians! (But then again, so so French Canadians.)
Anyway, it comes down not to the layout of Bruxelles, but to those fries, doesn’t it?
Sara… Oui chef!
So, François said: “here a silly question from the Belgian that I am… why is this blog inEnglish?”
To which David responded that the main point of this blog was to teach what a Parisian is to foreigners and that writing it in French would limit the audience. I responded that it was true and added that when I first started this blog, two things did upset me. One – Parisians and Two – the cheesy and corny vision that many anglos had of Paris and of Parisians. This blog being a humble effort on my part to point out the last and to amend the latter. Then I said that I was also probably just a bit too shy to write in French.
Voilà!!
Tiki Pundit… Absolutely, it’s all about the fries! I didn’t suspect Wallons longed to be French – interesting. As per truer French, I’m not sure – funniest though – yep, that, no problem!!
Excellent! Having been away for three weeks it’s a joy to get to read two Stuff Parisians Like entries in such quick succession AND I’ve been to Belgium twice in as many days so can confirm that the people are indeed “sympa”, une fois. The moules frites are expensive though…
Excellent post ! Having lived in a few different countries in Northern Europe, I met quite a few Belgians. And their “weird” expressions and logic never failed to amuse me (although I am not a Parisian).
Have you read “We Europeans” by Richard Hill?I’m sure you would enjoy the read.
I’ve only just discovered this blog and I am glad I did.
Olivier
this time this is soooooooo true…
makes me think: “why don’t I launch a web site… I could call it what the Belgians like”…
Nooo so true… but “les Belges a tous les repas” can be tough sometimes
))))))))))
Stephan
Peter… Welcome back! And thank you.
Armelle… Welcome! And thank you (too). Nope – will look into the book. Enticing title!
Stephan… Post number one: beer!!
Olivier, merci pour la rédaction de ton blog en anglais! J’adore Stuff Parisians Like. Trés, trés intérressant et amusant. C’est vrai! Mes amis parisiens d’accord.
-Phoebe de New York City
Funny stuff, at least to this stupid American
Olivier
Beer is an interesting subject. You like wine, you can certainly appreciate the subtleties of the belgian beer world.
One other thing is chocolate, especially top hype quality one. if you have some time, go to Pierre Marcolini shop in Paris. THere is one in the rue scribe, not far from the Opera. There you’ll enjoy what are for me the most subtle, yet extremely well marketed chocolates from Belgium.
Stephan
Phoebe… Thank you for your kind note – Glad you like it. I’ll try to keep it up! And congratulations on your music.
Barbra… Merci (at least now you know)!
Stephan… As Britney puts it: I must confess… I don’t drink beer. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Always love to hear good food/wine recommendations though, so I’ll make sur to make a stop chez Pierre Marcolini. Merci!
I get it. Belgians are Parisian’s “funny uncle!”
Everyone loves him but don’t mind when he goes home
You forgot Tintin! There is no Belgium without Tintin. Parisians all grew up with Tintin; he is one part childhood nostalgia, one part immoderate and adventurous hairstyling. Plus, he has a little white dog, which must make him an honorary Parisian.
“Belgians are joyful, generally drunk and speak with a funny accent.” Olivier, I am having a moderation-free party in a few weeks with a number of people who fit this description. I’d invite you but: 1, we’re not really cool enough, 2, you’d be horrified at the cheap wine I’m serving.
PreppyPlayer… Hmmm… close enough, yeah! Except that Belgians don’t bother you with their video cameras!
AccidentalParisian… True. But it seems like Tintin has become an underground gay icon lately. As per what seems to be an invitation: 0/ Thank you – 1/ Drunk, joyful and speaking with a funny accent make for cool in my world – 2/ You’d be horrified at the cheap wine i’m drinking. 3/ Bottomline – and for I try not to stick to my friends – I happily accept your presqu’invitation!
Olivier, as a long-time fan of this blog, it is so good to see the mood a little lighter in this entry than the last! I wish I could say “so true” like many of the other comments do, but alas, this American remains uninformed on many things Parisian. Thank you so much for enlightening us with your humor and insight.
pretty much all my french friends make fun of the belges and their ‘awful accent’. makes me feel bad for the belges sometimes..
Parisians think much the same of us, though we are “les cousins”, and of course they think we live in forests (the horror).
Actually nowadays many people use “Dutch” for the language spoken in Flanders and in the Netherlands; though there are differences, there are no more problems in comprehension than between different varieties of English or French.
So Olivier,
When Parisians mistook me for Belgian (instead of Canadian) was that a compliment?
Moira… Thank you very much for this. Doing my best!
M… Think little school kid pushing off the girl he likes!
Lagatta… Hmm… tricky one! Les Quebecois still have this North American thing going on. So it’s not the same feeling of superiority. French people in general like Quebecois by default if I may say. But most have never even talked to one! As per Parisians, they blame Quebec for Céline Dion!
Sue… Quit drinking!
What a funny post. (Un?)fortunately, Jean Philippe Susilovic is the only point of reference most of us “stupid” Americans have about Belgians.
I can only imagine what you say about the Germans….
I had no idea Parisians view Belgians as kind of these cute yokels.
I certainly knew, way back when I lived in Brussels, my Belgian accented French didn’t cut it. Of course I was an arrogant American twelve year old, so I didn’t care.
But now though, I was finally told to STOP, by an American friend who speaks impeccable French, when I kept insisting on saying ’septante’ for seventy, instead of soixante-dix…and a few other Belgian accent and manners of speech indiscretions–
It’s just sometimes easier the Belgian way.
Amanda… That’s not very nice for Jean-Claude Van Damme
Ruth… I guess your friend not only masters the language, but also the spirit. Interesting tidbits on the topic – from Wikipedia:
Au Moyen Âge, on avait coutume en France de compter de vingt en vingt. Aussi trouvait-on les formes vint et dis (30), deux vins (40), trois vins (60), quatre vins (80), etc. Saint Louis fonda, par exemple, l’hospice des Quinze-vingts (des 300 aveugles). Ce système, dit « vicésimal », était utilisé par les Celtes, les Normands et dans une moindre mesure par les Danois), et il est possible que l’un ou l’autre de ces peuples l’ait introduit en Gaule.
Dès la fin du Moyen Âge, les formes concurrentes trente, quarante, cinquante, soixante se répandent victorieusement. Pourquoi l’usage s’arrête-t-il en si bon chemin ? Aucune explication n’est vraiment convaincante. Peut-être a-t-on éprouvé le besoin de conserver la marque d’un « calcul mental » mieux adapté aux grands nombres (70 = 60 + 10, 80 = 4 × 20, 90 =80 + 10). Reste la part du hasard et de l’arbitraire, avec laquelle tout historien de la langue sait bien qu’il lui faut composer…
C’est au XVIIe siècle, sous l’influence de Vaugelas et de Ménage, que l’Académie et les autres auteurs de dictionnaires ont adopté définitivement les formes soixante-dix, quatre-vingts, quatre-vingt-dix au lieu de septante, octante, nonante. Pourtant, les mots septante, octante, nonante figurent dans toutes les éditions du Dictionnaire de l’Académie française. Encore conseillés par les Instructions officielles de 1945 pour faciliter l’apprentissage du calcul, ils restent connus dans l’usage parlé de nombreuses régions de l’Est et du Midi de la France, ainsi qu’en Acadie. Ils sont officiels en Belgique et en Suisse (sauf, cependant, octante, qui a été supplanté par quatre-vingts – en Belgique et en Suisse – et huitante – en Suisse – tant dans l’usage courant que dans l’enseignement ou les textes administratifs). Rien n’interdit de les employer, mais par rapport à l’usage courant en France, ils sont perçus comme régionaux ou vieillis.[1]
Septante est utilisé de façon majoritaire, en Suisse, en Belgique, en Français de Jersey, mais également de façon minoritaire en Savoie, parfois en Lorraine, en Franche-Comté et en Provence. Il serait également employé en RDC, au Rwanda et au Burundi. Le terme vient du latin septuaginta qui a aussi donné septuagénaire.
Il reprend la construction logique des multiples de dix : quarante, cinquante, soixante, septante, huitante, nonante.
Son utilisation est identique à celle de soixante-dix : septante et un, septante-trois.
You are funny, Olivier:)
Landed here par coïncidence, laughed so much:)
Oh my, you are right. He is a Belge. I have never seen any of his movies. I guess you wouldn’t want to make fun of him though. He seems like he could kick butt! But maybe that’s only in his movies.
interesting.. je preferais quelques belgicismes ou canadianismes – par ex. ‘magasiner’ au lieu de ‘faire les courses’ en francais mais.. voila – c’est comme ca qu’elles existent les variations differentes, dans ce cas-la – diatopiques..
encore une fois je veux marquer: I’m glad to enjoy your blog – well.. international.
Ces vacances dans mon pays donc, j’ai la pause dans mon apprentissage des langues et c’est n’est pas trop bien.. alors ici je peux lire et c’est deja bien;-) je ne laisse pas tjrs des commentaires mais savez que j’y participe! bonne chance a tous! J.
Merci, Olivier!
I love Wikipedia. And I loved what you sent. The history of the idiosyncrasies of language fascinate me. And after I read it, I decided to just enjoy my embedded Belgian colloquialisms, even as I envy my friend’s French.
Which reminds me–I must turn her onto your wonderful blog! She lives right there in Paris.
Camilla… Merci. And bienvenue!!
Amanda… Speaking of which, I recently watched a documentary about Mike Tyson, called ‘Tyson’ – can’t recommend it enough.
JB… Merci pour votre fidelité et pour votre résolution à écrire en français. Et oui, préservons cette jolie langue, et donc ses charmantes déclinaisons locales!
Ruth… You’re welcome. And yes, you should!
Am I becoming addicted? We were there again yesterday sampling the delights of De Haan or Coq sur Mer. And yes that makes deux fois that the people we encountered were indeed très sympa!
I just came back from vacation in Austria and found an American friend of mine posted this link on my Facebook wall… I read it and loved it!
I pretty much agree with everything Oliver is saying except the fact that we don’t automatically say “une fois” at the end of every sentence… That’s not true, except maybe for a few “Bruxelères” (bilingual individuals having lived in Bxl long enough to mix both official languages there) since “une fois” is a literal translation of the Flemish expression “eens”! By the way used for example at the beginning of a tale “Er was eens…” => “Il était une fois…”. Does the French French version of “Le petit Chaperon rouge” start differently than the Belgian French one?!
And I also would like to add that there’s only a (very) small minority (pleonasm meant to insist) of fellow Belgians who actually would like to be part of France (or French culture)… I think most of us are happy to be Belgian and would love to keep it that way! I’d say to wish to split the country comes rather from our Flemish friends (I really DO like them!!!) and is only the expression of an old ongoing oppression feeling they’ve had for ages now! (cfr. the “pre-Belgian” history)
To Oliver: I really like your “autodérision” humor! It reminds me of this French woman working in a souvenir shop in Avignon, who asked me where I was from when I asked her how much the postcards cost. I told her I was Belgian and she said to herself very surprised “I thought you spoke BELGE in Belgium”… I’m not exactly sure it was a joke though!
Peter… Two weekends in Belgium in less than a month?!! You are an unusual character!
Céline… Thank you for your kind words and interesting comment. I agree about the ‘une fois’ thing. It’s one of these the ongoing clichés that are absolutely not true any more but still persist overseas (there’s a few about the French too overseas – like French men wear berets or French women are sexy…). I’ve never heard a Belgian person say ‘une fois’ actually. I guess it’s become French folklore now! As per the language people speak overseas, as I’ve heard a few times in France (not in Paris though): “ah oui, ils parlent étranger eux…”
God, you’re fast!
By the way, I check out what “you’re doing for a living” and I loooooved it!!! You look really passionate about it and it makes me wanna jump on the TGV and come for one of those tasting!!! I’ll definitely bring my student id with me…
You have a really fresh approach and it seems to make wine way more “abordable” (dans tous les sens du terme)…
Keep up the good work!
c’est bien vu, et c’est bien dis.
On se prend une mousse ?
g
Céline… Thank you for your enthusiasm. I am lucky enought to have quite a fantastic job, it’s true. Just one thing – if you plan to come for a tasting, just shoot me an email before as I’m not the one doing all the tastings!
Guillaume… Merci – yes – avec plaisir!!
waiting…
olivier:
where are you? missing your blog. congrats on all your success.
Bonjour Olivier. Reading this post left me laughing loudly enough that I fear I may have awakened my colleagues in the next office over
Merci !
As an adoptive Parisian (transplanted here accidentally from the Western U.S. nineteen years ago), I am acutely aware of cultural differences, and more particularly what characterizes (or at least “caricaturizes”) Parisians. Your witty, self-deriding analysis is thus all the more amusing and precious to someone such as myself who had to learn these things empirically over the years. You have a new reader and fan. Just one thing in your post surprised me: the idea that Parisians look down on drinkers. We must not hang around the same Parisians
Great post, great blog …
Extrapolating from what Parisians seem to like, in the context of this post, this book might bring some enjoyment:
http://openlibrary.org/b/OL5359907M/Chasse-aux-belgicismes.
My mother, the ULB librarian, was intent on scrubbing the most inelegant features of Belge from my French (despite us being Brusselaars/Liegeois through and through) and insisted I read this lovely book from 1971. It had the total opposite effect. With full knowledge of all the rights/wrongs, I was able to very easily get her goat by, for example, emphatically turning every “ch” into a “g”, saying “marge” instead of “marche”. Or answering with “j’ai bon” … Sadly, this teenage rebellion has made it simply impossible for me to use savoir/pouvoir the right way, even today. It was deep in the architecture anyhow, and a conscious embracing set it in stone. Speaking more Dutch than French these days also hasn’t helped …
But I digress…
Why would a Parisian like this book? First off, its vintage nature makes it a find (a real marché score), and its stratified tone makes it hilarious to read. He who speaks Belge is presented as a witless farmer, whose sympa drinking habits are perhaps his only redeeming feature. You really get a sense that the authors are out to save the nation from itself through le mot juste….
[...] Een extract hieronder, volledig artikel op de volgende link: http://www.o-chateau.com/blog/les-belges/ [...]
Clairette… August… I’m French!!
Erica… Thank you – well, I took a ‘ptit weekend’ off but really spent most of August working at O Chateau. I’ll do my best to come up with a new article this week.
Patterson… Thank you – and all apologies to your colleague. I’ll take the blame! Seems like you have a good group of friends – Well done!
Mathieu… Thanks – Seems like a fun read. Always helpful, sinon: Le Grévisse (I put it on my Xmas wishlist at age 20 or so – I think I am/was somewhat of a nerd!). Question is: how do you say nerd in Belge?!!
Oh good. Glad to hear you will post this week. I thought you fell off the face of the earth. I know, Paris shuts down in August (& all the restaurants I wanted to go to!)
It’s funny, I am Belgian and I have no idea who the hell Jean Phillipe Susilovic is…
This is typically Belgian.
Belgians known in neighbouring countries are absolutely unknown to Belgians themselves… when I hear Dutchmen say “hey you are Belgians? I absolutely love *insert Belgian personality famous in the Netherlands* !!”, I respond “who?”…
Hi Tcheki, Jean Philippe Susilovic aka JP (I had to look up his last name!) is the maitre d’ on Hell’s Kitchen, Gordon Ramsey’s American cooking show. He’s quite a funny guy!
Allez zeg comme ça j’ai quand même bien ri une fois! Non mais parce que peut-être un de ces jours où il fait caillant, je pourrai me lancer dans la rédaction d’un dictionnaire français – belge! (Essuie-serviette, ça me goute – c’est délicieux, etc.) Parce qu’à force de vivre avec des Français, je me rends compte que je parle une autre langue
Par contre je ne peux toujours pas me résoudre à dire “Allez les bleus”, c’est encore trop ancré dans mes principes.
“Americans are stupid, Portuguese are hairy, Vietnamese are Chinese, and Belgians are sympa” LoL, funny stuff keeps comin. Thanks for the great article
[...] the meantime, here’s a very lighthearted look at the Parisian view of les Belges. Take it with a huge grain of salt, but [...]