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For Parisians, “le ski” is not a sport. It is a destination. Parisians go ”au ski”..
Parisians usually go “au ski” once a year, for a week. French Alps is the destination of choice. Pyrenees are a no go for they are not only far but also the preferred spot of people from Southern France. Lack of elegance.
Picking your Alpine resort makes a strong statement about who you are. Proper resort frequentation is imperative to be accepted in adequate circles. Tignes will bring you respect amongst real ski-fans. Courchevel will have you accepted in snob gatherings. Les Ménuires will classify you as struggling.
The primary goal of the annual week au ski is to develop the best facial tan lines. Facial tan lines are a strong yet modest statement that yes, you went skiing and that yes, the weather was splendid, thank you. For that matter, the odds of finding Parisians on the slopes are low compared to those of spotting some sunbathing at the terrasses of the restaurants d’altitude sipping on some vin chaud. First things first. Parisians know how to stick to their primary objectives. Whatever it takes.
Of course, it is necessary for Parisians to complain about these stupid tan lines on their faces when they come back to Paris. For Parisians are real athletes, they will always have a word about the quality of the snow. Which is always either excellente or dégueulasse. Anything in between does not exist.
If one year, the Parisian happens not to be able to make it to “le ski”, it is imperative to justify it to other Parisians. Only two reasons will be tolerated: “I was too busy with work” and “I went au soleil“ (sun, like ski being a destination for Parisians). Not going au ski for a Parisian is like not going to church for a Christian. It jeopardizes your respectability. Le ski is part of your identity as a Parisian. No ski, no Parisianity.
For that reason, it is crucial to come back from le ski with good Parisian stories: you need to be annoyed for meeting so many people you didn’t want to meet on the slopes, you also need to tell that story of how you almost broke your arm when this English woman ran into you (she didn’t know what she was doing). Your most popular story will be how everyone on the train ride back home was looking at you funny because your luggage smelled a bit funky. Parisians will always arrange to bring back some cheese (Beaufort, Tomme de Savoie or Reblochon) or charcurterie from le ski.
Parisians are so bold. You can tell from their stories.
Useful tip: On the slopes, to look Parisian, just wear jeans and a sweater.
Sound like a Parisian: « Ouais, on a eu de la chance, la neige était excellente ».
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Discovering your blog through Tara.
You’re too good !! you crack me up.
and you’re so right, never come back from le ski without a nice decent Reblochon !
I especially love your “sound like a Parisian” cues.
a former Parisian who went to le Sun définitivement and who will visit your blog regularly for a tasty scoop of parisianity
Ton blog est excellent!!!
I will come back often to read your blog, cause you’re so refreshing!!
Thanks for that.
This is hilarious, and very accurate. You ought to collect these for publication in a book. Seriously.
Merci merci.
As per the book , I appreciate your kindness. I’ll keep that in mind…
Another great post! Love it.
My question: is it true that to sound properly chic you should pronounce Megeve “meuh-geve”…?
Parisianity? Inanity or insanity? Another funny post, Olivier. Merci!
Ditto Italians…
Stylish, chic and never, ever on the slopes.
You can spot the Brits by their cheap ski suits, bobble hats and the serious amount of clothing that makes skiing an impossible feat and cushions their frequent falls.
I prefer Scandinavians
They don’t tell you about their private lives on the lifts, they don’t pose like pop stars and they don’t care if you are there or not
BTW the only person who ever risked injuring me on the piste was a drunken Russian in Finland
My Castle… Merci bcp!! A très bientôt alors! Et bravo pour la sagesse!
Esther… Thank you. I gues smy blog is more than myself
Dollars in Euroland… merci! Will try:!!
Polly… meu, mé… big dilemma… not quite sure here!! Sorry I’m not more helpful!
Paris Parfait… merci!!
Mouse… True. I love your ‘Scandinavians don’t care if you are there or not’.
ha yes and for us true montagnards it is widely known that when parisians are in holidays you should avoid the slopes at all cost or an accident might happen and you could be off the slopes for a whole winter.. “ça se sait, les parisiens ne savent pas skier”
Another great article! Really appreciate it because I haven’t tried skiing at all…
This blog is hilarious! I live in Chamonix and Parisians are mocked mercilessly by the Savoyards (esp for skiing in jeans–quelle horreur!) Oh, and my Parisian friends, one does not pronounce the “x” at the end of Chamonix.