Most Parisians grow up with a more or less conscious belief in the superiority of Parisians. France being an eminently centralized country, Paris concentrates all economic, artistic and political powers. The brain drain towards Paris is – it seems – brutally at hand. Parisians are the elite of the country. End of the story.
As they grow in age, Parisians get to interact more frequently with people who grew up in different areas of the country and of the world. These encounters end up shedding a new light on their fellow Parisians.
By interacting with provinciaux and étrangers, Parisians realize these categories of people have the charm Parisians just seem to lack of. Pointing out to the coldness or to the rudeness of Parisians is the surest way for Parisians to display to the face of the world their difference, and, implicitly, their superiority. When a Parisian criticizes Parisians, he unconsciously crowns himself superiorest amongst the superiors.
Now, claiming that Parisians are cold, snob, no fun, close-minded or rude is not rocket science. The real problem when Parisians criticize Parisians is: then what? The ‘then what’ question is usually not a question Parisians ask themselves. Parisians point at the problem and move on - satisfied with the amount of intelligence they poured on the world.
But when one realizes that the people surrounding him are indeed cold, no fun and close-minded, he needs to ask himself questions. Even a Parisian.
Once the Parisian realizes that indeed, Parisians might not be that superior in the end, one major difficulty lies before him. And that is to befriend provinciaux or étrangers. Parisians usually enjoy these people’s freshness and their different approach on life. But befriending someone implies a level of proximity most Parisians just can’t or refuse to create with provinciaux or étrangers. They are happy to have some in their extended network. They will even share good moments with them. But it will be hard for them to connect at a very personal level. Befriending a provincial or an étranger for a Parisian is like for a guy to date a girl with a big butt.
It is hard to admit socially this is actually what you prefer.
Useful tip: If you criticize Parisians in front of a Parisian, he shall treat your argument with scorn. Provinciaux or étrangers just don’t get it. Only Parisians can criticize Parisians. Only Parisians get it. Sound like a Parisian: « Non, et puis les gens sont froids à Paris, c’est horrible».
In Paris, the ultimate form of mental degradation is to support a sports team.
Parisians are not into sports very much. Playing one is degrading. Watching it on TV is straight-up shameful.
Yet, the Parisian is an understanding person. He will tell his friend something if the friend said he watched ‘du foot à la télé’ the night before. But he understands. What he does not understand and therefore does not tolerate is the act of supporting one given sports team.
Blind and continuous support to a cause is fully acceptable in Paris should the cause be a social or political one. Blind and continuous support to any other form of cause should be treated with nothing but contempt. This rule applies to all people within Paris.
Though, it is worthwhile to know that Parisians find a certain romantic appeal to soccer/football fanatics in Marseille, in Lens or in Latin countries. All other soccer fans are irremediable beaufs.
The most repelling form of degradation in Paris is to support the local soccer/football team: le Paris Saint Germain (aka ‘Le PSG’). It is obvious Parisian knowledge that there is nothing good about le PSG. Nothing.
Consequently, there can be nothing good about PSG fans. Not only are they sports fans, they are soccer fans. Not only are they soccer fans, they are PSG fans. A hopeless category of people.
The only Parisians that like le PSG are banlieusards. Banlieusards thus feel like they actually are Parisians. Needless to say, this is foolishly illusory. No one that grew up or lives on the other side of le périphérique, no matter how close, can ever claim, one day, to be a Parisian.
The hatred against le PSG is so deeply rooted for Parisians that just going to Le Parc des Princes to see a game is considered a social disgrace. Interestingly enough, while going to see a PSG game is the most obvious form of absence of dignity in Paris, it is fully acceptable, if not cool, to go see Le Stade Français - Paris’rugby team - play. Parisians are people of taste. Rugby cannot be compared to football.
The Parisian feels great about hating le PSG. By doing so, he clearly states that he is not a beauf, not into sports and not blinded by illusory feelings of belonging. Hating le PSG is just another oblivious statement of superiority for Parisians. In hatred, the Parisian grows as a person.
Useful tip: Buying a PSG jersey is a great gift for anyone who lives outside Europe. Europeans prefer a Stade Français item. Sound like a Parisian: «Tu vois le mec, ambiance, genre euh… supporter du PSG !!».
Parisians all love South America. There is no exception to that rule.
The definition of South America for Parisians is simple. South America is anything South of America. The existence of Central America is not a relevant question in Paris. The actual existence of several countries within South America is already bewildering enough. All Parisians know that South America is colourful, authentic and happy. Very little differentiation ought to be made between Guatemala and Peru.
During his student years, it is customary for the Parisian to take a trip to South America. ‘A l’aventure’. Going to South America without a backpack would be considered in Paris very poor travel standards. One is to backpack in South America. Backpacking for the Parisian includes travelling with a backpack and ‘des bonnes chaussures de marche’. And sleeping in hotels.
Returning from a trip to South America, the Parisian will systematically say it was ‘genial’. He will have a word about ‘les couleurs’. And ‘les gens’. Though obviously, it was ‘un peu roots’. For sure, it was.
Most Parisians have a friend from South America. Those who don’t wished they did. South American friends bring light-heartedness and a Spanish accent to Parisian parties. These are key to a good party. Light heartedness is a quality Parisians love in people from South America and Belgium. They admire it in English people. And they despise it in people from France or America.
The only negative point Parisians sometimes mention about South America is ‘la violence’. Parisians all have a friend who got mugged in Brazil. Yet, Parisians’ love for South America is here to stay. For ultimately, the Parisian love for South America is a typical form of Parisian love, made of an authentic appreciation for qualities the Parisian wished he had and a comfortable feeling of insuperable superiority over the subject of his love.
Useful tip: Go to Argentina. Sound like a Parisian: « J’ai trop envie de me faire un voyage en Amérique du Sud…».
Parisians like Paris. And they like to display they do.
Posters are the Parisians’ vector of choice to celebrate their affection for their city.
Putting up a poster of a Parisian monument would be such an outsider’s thing to do (though some lazy Parisians will opt for the series of picture related to the construction of the Eiffel Tower). The whole Aristide Bruant thing has been over for 15 years.
These days, a real Parisian prefers to put up on his wall, on his fridge, or in his toilettes a picture of Robert Doisneau. Robert Doisneau’s mid 20th century, black and white pictures, usually represent Parisians (lovers or children) in Paris. Doisneau’s pictures give to a room a gloomy/melancholic/artistic touch that Parisians cannot get enough of. The Paris represented in these photographs is the romantic, eternal and populaire Paris. Like Doisneau liked to say : « Ma photo, c’est le monde tel que je souhaite qu’il soit ». Parisians understand this very well. They too would like the world to be black and white, charming and melancholic.
As for all mainstream things in Paris, an implicit social classification exists. What you display on your walls defines where you stand socially. Where you stand socially defines what you display on your walls. The bottom of the Doisneau hierarchy is evidently his most well known photograph. ˜Le Baiser de l’Hôtel de Ville”. All teenage Parisian girls own a reproduction of this picture. Adults putting up a poster of “Le Baiser de l’Hotel de Ville” send the clear message that either they have stuck to the teenage girl level or that they are unaware of existing social codes in Paris. Both lead to sheer ridicule and diminished social credit.
Which Doisneau picture the Parisian chooses to display in his home will help the visitor brush up a finer portrait of his host. Aspiring artists will cherish “Les Pains de Picasso”. Free thinkers will opt for « Les frères, rue du Docteur Lecène», smily carabins for “Regard Obique”. While school nostalgia is clearly displayed in “L’information scolaire, école rue Buffon”. A photo de Doisneau in a Parisian apartment is like a status quote on a Facebook profile: a key to one’s identity.
Parisian women have a special liking for Robert Doisneau. But Parisian men are happy to cope with his art work. Should conflicts appear about the relevance to display a Doisneau photograph on a wall, a typical Parisian trade-off is to opt for a Doisneau Photographs Coffee Table Book. Always a great hit when you have friends over. Flipping through the pages of the book, other Parisians will sit back in the couch, look at the pictures together and simply say: ‘J’l’adore celle-là, elle est trop bien’.
More than just Doisneau, Parisians know their arts.
Useful tip: Impress your friends by knowing another photographer besides Robert Doisneau. Sound like a Parisian: « J’adooore Doisneau ».
But is widely accepted to talk crap about the Chinese.
Parisians do not feel bad for coming up with blunt generalities about the Chinese. Parisians not being racist, they do not comment upon the characteristics all Chinese have in common. For instance, they do not say the Chinese are cruel. They know they are, but, not being racist, they do not say it.
Parisians being thorough analysts of the situation of the world, they prefer to talk about economy and geostrategy. Thus, everytime the word ‘Chinois’ is mentioned in a conversation, one Parisian will necessarily say ‘They’re taking over’. Other Parisians will smile hearing that. If the discussion gets more precise and serious, one may then sense real worry on the Parisian’s side. To express his fear, the Parisian will usually at some point in the conversation say ‘ils vont nous bouffer’. If the Parisian has actually been to China, he will throw a ‘vous vous rendez pas compte’ in there.
This last argument is not a good one. For the Parisian se rend compte. He always does. But when it comes to the Chinois, he really does. The Chinese community used to be circumscribed to the 13th arrondissement and to Chinese restaurants. Fifteen years ago, many Parisians started interacting with the Chinese to buy computers from them; that was in the 12th. Over the past 10 years, the Chinese have taken over the textile business: you will therefore find many Chinois in the 2nd and 3rd. All this is ok. But what Parisians are truly bewildered about is the fact that the Chinese are now taking over most Parisian cafés. Au revoir Auvergnats! Bonjour Chinois!
Several elements are brought to the table by Parisians to explain such an evolution. “Ils sont travailleurs” is the main one. It is of course accurate. But the Parisian is well aware of the importance of money in such matters. Two theories preside when it comes to Chinese money: ‘c’est la mafia’ and ‘ils s’entraident beaucoup, ils ont leur propre système de financement’.
All conversations about the Chinese end the same way. ‘Ils ne me dérangent pas, ils sont travailleurs et discrets’. For the Parisian is not racist, he shall not keep on with his reasoning which would involve comments about Blacks and Arabs.
Parisians have respect for Chinese. No Parisian would push that respect as far as to actually befriending a Chinois. Such a thing is not conceivable. Especially since Chinese ‘spit’ and ‘are loud’. Call that the Parisian vision of being discret.
Useful tip: While in Paris, do not bother trying to make a difference between Asian people. They are all Chinois. Sound like a Parisian: « Ils sont forts ces chinois»
I’m off to NY a week from now. Then, I’ll be off to SF for two days, on my way to New Zealand and Australia (Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide). Yes, Parisians like to travel
Being a rookie, I don’t know if this is done in the blogosphere etiquette (I suspect it isn’t), but I’m looking for a place to stay in NY, SF, NZ, Melbourne and Adelaide.
I’m friendly, discrete and, as Chris Rock puts it… clean too.
Anyway, if you or your friends/family have an extra bed or just feel like having a drink sometime with a travelling Parisian, just let me know!
Merci merci,
Olivier (olivier - at - o-chateau - dot - com)
PS: While travelling, ad in case that’s of interest for anyone, I shall keep fueling you with silly little posts
After the weather conversation, the weight conversation is the Parisian’s favourite. It is a fantastic conversation. It allows the Parisian to display observation talent, contrition while at the same time showing ambition and resolution.
The Parisian shall not let fatness take over.
Comments about the weight gained or lost by a person - should that person be facing the Parisian or not - are usual and widely accepted. Being utterly sensitive, the Parisian frequently enriches his weight comment with a psychological explanation. The most common reason in Paris to explain weight gain is “il a pas trop la forme”. The Parisian knows how to play with words. Psychological contribution aims at displaying a deeper level of consciousness and a real sense of empathy. The Parisian never sees you as just a body. The Parisian knows you are first and foremost a soul.
Only one expression can precede weight comments. That is “bah dis donc”: « bah dis donc, t’as pris un peu, non?! ». Or, reversely « bah dis donc, t’as vachement maigri ». It is good to know that the Parisian will only seem to rejoice about a friend’s weight loss. Deep inside, all he thinks about is that his weight is not following the same noble curve.
A common mistake is to believe that only Parisian women are dieting. Men are too. Paris is the only city in the world where men eat salads for lunch. It would be misleading to draw conclusions about the salad-eating Parisian man’s sexual orientation.
Diets in Paris are not followed in a precise manner. Especially by men. In Paris, social life undermines all possibilities of an actual diet. Hence all possibilities of an actual weight loss. Since diets do not work, Parisians need more diets. Parisian women try diets they hear about in magazines or from their friends. Parisian men just skip dessert. Yet, Parisian men are never ‘au régime’, Parisian men ‘font gaffe en ce moment’. It is not the same.
Parisians cannot get enough of ‘allégé’, ‘0%’ and ‘light’ mentions on the food they buy. It has lately become unthinkable for Parisian women to buy yogurts that are not ‘0%’.
While the rest of the world wants more for less, the Parisian wants less for more. Diets in Paris are the path to wisdom.
Useful tip: Compliment Parisian men about their weight losses. They will pretend not to care. But you and I know better. Sound like a Parisian: « Un ptit dessert ? Non, j’fais gaffe en c’moment»
Art exhibits are a Parisian must. They are many and constant.
Modern art, photographers, retrospectives… you name it.
Most Parisians are aware of the main ‘expos’ going on.
It would yet be naïve to believe that the point for Parisians to know about current exhibits is to go see them or to develop their culture. The real point of knowing about current exhibits is to show you know about current exhibits. The main effect of which will be an immediate increase in the Parisian’s perceived social value.
Knowing about current expos, if displayed frequently, yet rather discretely, will make Parisians seem delightfully refined and cultured. Parisians show reverence to people of culture.
It is important to understand that ultimate levels of sophistication do not come in Paris from being a person of culture but from coming across as one. Culture is a fool’s game in Paris. One may think that keeping up with the ever changing new expo scene is a lot of work. Again, it is not. Remember it is not about knowing but about looking like you do. Many Parisians pass a museum of their way to work every morning. And the main current exhibit is always massively advertised, in the metro or on the streets. So right there, the Parisian can effortlessly fuel conversations with at least two exhibits people ‘need to see’. Maximal effect will be achieved when, alongside with the artist, the Parisian also mentions where the exhibit is held. That is the highest form of culture in Paris.
It is basic Parisian knowledge that only six categories of people go watch art exhibits in Paris. That is: provinciaux, foreign exchange students, teachers, foreign tourists, retirees and expats’ wives. No other Parisian has ever seen an expo ever.
Yet, all Parisians always ‘really want to go see it’. Usually because they ‘heard it was great’. Sadly, they just ‘really don’t have time’. But just in case, ‘when does it end?’.
While figuring out about this pernicious Parisian approach to cultural life, non Parisians may think ‘name dropping’. Foolish. It’s art dropping. Dropping art creates an artsy feeling all around. Contagious bubbles of art talks flourish throughout the city. Experts fail to comment upon it but make no mistake about it: art dropping will soon be considered a form of art itself.
By neglecting art, Parisians create art.
Now what you got, non Parisian?!
Useful tip: Only say you actually went to see une expo when talking to people from one of the five categories mentioned above. It would be rude and pretentious to do so with a Parisian. Sound like a Parisian: « Il y a une super expo Avedon en ce moment au Jeu de Paume»
A good scruff sends Parisian men to the very top of the sexiness scale. Men with a scruff are somewhere between Indiana Jones in Malaysia and Georges Clooney on a Sunday afternoon. Scruff makes Parisian men irresistible.
Parisian men want to be irresistible.
Parisian women love their men with a scruff. They love this itchy expression of adventure that grows on their men’s face. A scruff offers Parisians just the right dose of adventure. Civilized adventure. The look of adventure without the smell of it. Potentiality of things is more than enough in Paris.
In Paris, having a scruff is a social affirmation. A man with a scruff in not a tool of the corporate world. Scruff is a clear indication of freedom in Paris. The most high-end the places the Parisian man goes to with a scruff, the more powerful and confident he obviously is. The limit of scruff wearing is pushed everyday a bit further in Paris.
Though they love their scruff, it is important for Parisian men to go about saying they are tired of their scruff. They need to bitch about how they need to shave and how shaving is such an oppressive task. Parisian men will always shave before meeting up with their mother. It is obviously Parisian knowledge that to Parisian mothers, a scruff is a terrible thing.
Scruff experts do not shave with a razor, but with a ‘tondeuse’. Use of ‘la tondeuse’ allows the most advanced Parisian men to keep a permanent ‘barbe de 3 jours’. With a bit of aesthetic talent and a sense of facial hair styling, Parisian men achieve this miracle: making 3 days last forever.
With just a scruff, Parisian men manage to attract women, express their inalienable freedom and stop time. Yet, their day hasn’t started yet. Now who can beat that?
Useful tip: Scruff with very elegant clothes is the absolute key to success in Paris. Sound like a Parisian: « Ouais, faut qu’j’me rase… ».
All Parisians break the law on a daily basis. Two reasons are usually brought to the table to justify it: the law is stupid. And the law is a pain.
Fair enough.
The Parisian is a firm believer that when it comes to the law, what matters is that most stand by it. Conveniently, the Parisian is seldom part of ‘most’. Which allows him to conveniently pick the rules he wants to follow.
One of the rules that really annoys the Parisian is the drinking and driving rule. Therefore, he rarely stands by it. It is ok for the Parisian to drive drunk. Simply because when it comes to driving, the Parisian is never drunk. He’s always fine. « Non ça va, j’peux conduire, aucun problème… Non, vraiment, c’est bon ! ».
Excuses for driving drunk in Paris are plenty and all excellent ones: cabs are expensive, impossible to find at night, metro stops running early most nights, noctambus (night bus) is sketchy and walking is tiring…
The Parisian should drive drunk. It is common Parisian knowledge that driving drunk in Paris is not dangerous. Paris is filled with red lights at every street corner. And speed limit is low. There is no risk.
Once this knowledge is acquired, it becomes obvious that the drinking and driving rule meets the two criteria that justify not to respect it: that rule is indeed stupid and a pain.
Some Parisians are not bold enough to drive their car or their scooter back home after a night out. They are the wise ones. Therefore, they opt for riding a bicycle. Either theirs or - even more conveniently - a velib. At least, when the Parisian rides a bicycle drunk, he’s not driving a car. Parisians are smart.
Urban legends about this ‘friend of friends’ getting their driver’s licence taken away from them for riding a bicycle drunk abound.
Parisians do not really believe in urban legends.
Useful tip: Before driving drunk, have a mint. Sound like a Parisian: « J’suis nickel, sérieux… ».
Parisians love Paris.
Once the Parisian realizes that indeed, Parisians might not be that superior in the end, one major difficulty lies before him. And that is to befriend provinciaux or étrangers. Parisians usually enjoy these people’s freshness and their different approach on life. But befriending someone implies a level of proximity most Parisians just can’t or refuse to create with provinciaux or étrangers. They are happy to have some in their extended network. They will even share good moments with them. But it will be hard for them to connect at a very personal level. Befriending a provincial or an étranger for a Parisian is like for a guy to date a girl with a big butt.![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
