Not being from Paris happens.
Somehow - like shit.
Yet, the Parisian rarely holds anyone responsible for not being from Paris. Though he will surely believe that the root of any mistake the non-Parisian makes is to be found in his origins.This tendency is particularly true for any interaction that implicates an automobile.
The moment a non-Parisian sits in a car, he becomes the last two digits of his licence plate. Immediately. He becomes “un 78”, “le 42”, or “un 29” …The last two digits of a French licence plate correspond to that of the département of registration of the car. Paris is 75. Other numbers smell like mud or depression.
Numbers that smell like mud are plentiful. These are the rare numbers. The ones you hardly ever see on the streets of Paris. Those 07, 86, 41, 23, 53… Mud somewhat recalls the Parisian of some remote vacation spot. Mud is not always bad. Le 07 for instance will take too much time on the road, he will hesitate, he will let pedestrians cross the street. He is obviously un paysan. But the Parisian has a certain affection for him. So he shall be merciful. Lenient. That is how people of the city should be, really.
Numbers that smell like depression are all the other ones. Areas supposedly colder or less sunny than Paris, obviously. But more commonly: la banlieue. Anyone walking the streets of Paris should know that les 77, les 78, les 91, les 92, les 93 and les 94 are from la banlieue. Which implies that they have limited self esteem, minimal respect of others and an awful dose of rawness to them. These people are a direct threat on the road. Out of la banlieue numbers, two rank higher up in the Parisian’s hierarchy of numbers: 78 and 92. These two départements include very fancy towns and expensive neighbourhoods. Less shameful.
Traffic in Paris seems hectic to the occasional visitor. Yet it does follow very simple rules.
Rule number one: pedestrians do not exist.
Rule number two: congestions are always caused by mud numbers. “C’est ce con de 27 qui bloque tout le monde depuis deux heures”.
Rule number three: any outrageous driving is always caused by depression numbers: “Mais il est complètement con le 94, il va tuer quelqu’un”.
It is obvious knowledge that 75’s have superior driving skills. They do live in Paris after all.
Ultimately, knowing about the origin of a fellow driver helps the Parisian anticipate the flaws of his diving style. He therefore constantly bears in mind that he shall only be safe surrounded with 75’s. Thus making Paris the only place on Earth where people act on the road exactly as they do off of it.
Useful tip: Learn your départements.
Sound like a Parisian: « Non, mais c’est ce con de [number] qui fait chier son monde…»
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Tags: automobile · cars · driving · license plates · road36 Comments
36 responses so far ↓
I love your blog. Write more. You are fantastic.
Hi ! I am French and I come from 07 ^^ “we aren’t all farmers” lol
I appreciate this blog and is full of humor and often true
Continue comme ça !!
I love this one, because the exact opposite is true outside of Paris. Because Parisians can’t drive unless there is traffic backed up for miles, they don’t know what to do when confronted with a long stretch of free road. If you ever see a car driving like a maniac or about to cause an accident, it will always be a 75. “PARISIEN!!!” We scream, as we try to get as far away from them as possible!!
(Love it, Olivier !!!
PS is the 10 mud or depression?)
Amanda… Merci merci merci! Reading your kind words is a great way to start my Saturday.
Amélie… Merci, c’est adorable. Ok now you must admit you do find dried mud on the road in Ardèche…
Vivi… Yeah, totally true!! People outside Paris HATE 75s. Pure hatred! Classic!! 10 is Aube right?! Tough one… cause clearly rural but clearly shitty weather. Thank God you make Champagne!!
I was gonna say how ir was like out of Paris, but Vivi did it before me…
What she didn’t say though, is that when we see a “75″ car (it works also for banlieusards) we don’t just say “un 75″ but “un connard de 75″ or similar expletive. Because if it’s true that you can meet nice Parisians once in a while when they’re far from their car, it just can’t happen behind a wheel, all Parisians and banlieusards don’t know there’s a difference between driving and being dangerous.
As Vivi says, the “rule of 75″ is reversed outside Paris, but en province license plates are triggers for the same kind of parochialism you describe above.
In Alsace (68/67) I was driving with a friend who got cut off by a Vosgien (88), and for 5 minutes afterwards I was subjected to a litany of all the faults of people from that département (paysans péquenauds qui roulent comme les vaches… etc)
Of course it is becoming more and more difficult to drive in Paris (if you are not from here) since Delanoë’s bus-lanes and one way streets… making your whole comment more and more true.
(But remember that the whole dept. thingy has been -unfortunately- scrapped from license plates. Killjoy government.)
I just found this blog! C’est fantastique! I will keep reading. Your dry wit is wonderful.
I spend six weeks a year in Paris (which is nothing, I know), and love it. But I live in S. California (we live in our cars), and I have MAJOR opinions about Parisian drivers…actually the pedestrians, who don’t seem to realize that standing so close to the edge of the curb, while waiting to cross, invites trouble!
David… Women are fast these days…The connard thing is also valid in Paris I believe. I almost made that the useful tip part! David - how come you speak such good English?
Richard… True! I love your story!! Funny the French like to eat so much but consider calling someone ‘paysan’ an insult…
Jacques… Tell me about it: Thank God I can use the O Chateau scooter!! But yep - cars in Paris - nope, thank you, I’ll pass. As per the new plates, I know. It is a shame. It will still be there but en petit. Only people with good eyes will get to have fun now!
Ruth… Did you ever notice how two types of people tend to have ‘MAJOR opinion’ about things: Californian women and Parisian men?! Thank you very much for your kind words. I appreciate them. And welcome to this blog. Pleasure to have you. As per pedestrians being provocative. It is a bit true. Pedestrians in Paris shall be fearless. Or patient.
Nothing about the “93″? I guess it will be for an upcoming post. But fair enough, the “93″ are blocked by the police on the peripheric boulevard, so we never really have a chance to see them in Paris!
Olivier: I majored in English in college, and after that I lived 7 years in the US and I am an English teacher (not currently though). What about you? Your English is excellent too…
Marc… Oops! Forgot about le 93. Just added it to the list.
David… Ceci explique cela! My English comes from listening to a lot of American hip hop. Much decyphering needed!! Besides this, I have studied it in school, I’ve travelled to the US a few times, and worked in California for 5 months a few years back. Voila mon modeste pedigree.
looool i’m not european but i still find it funny!
“calling people after their licence plate” - c’est interessant, ca. be, en fait, tout ce blog est vraiment bon comme j’ai deja ecrit. Il me plait le plus ’sound like a Parisian’.
Il existe un stereothype des francais qu’ils sont bons conducteurs, il est evident que ce n’est pas tjrs vrai. comment ca c’est passe apres avoir bu chez vous? il me semble que vous - les francais - conduites sans obstacles:) en Pologne c’est interdit mais il y a bien sur des gens qui cassent les voitures a cause de l’alcool et pas seulement.
Mais il y a d’autre chose qui m’a ettonne en France - vous avez des pareilles bagnoles - pratiquement toutes les voitures sont grises, blanches et noires, il n’y a pas d’autres couleurs comme chez nous vertes, rouges, bleues..
Fabulous, Olivier!
I linked to this on my post about American vs. French license plates
http://pollyvousfrancais.blogspot.com/2009/01/license-plates.html
Eggplant… Good good!! Merci!
JB… Merci. Alors, conduire après avoir bu est une spécialité toute parisienne: http://www.o-chateau.com/blog/driving-drunk/ . Ceux qui cassent des voitures en France ne sont pas ceux qui boivent. Disons plutôt ceux qui ne sont pas invités au festin. Et pour ce qui est de la couleuyr des voitures, c’est vrai: je te renvoie au post sur la couleur des vêtements - la logique est exactement la même: http://www.o-chateau.com/blog/wearing-black/
Polly… Cool. Yeah, it’s funny, I saw last night you posted on licence plates too. Tried to comment but I suck so bad with computers that I couldn’t even manage to do that!! Welcome back to America BTW!!
Polly: PS… Thx for the link
I love this blog!
I am from Los Angeles, we do this a little bit too … it’s always someone from a southern state who can’t drive on the freeway!
#9 - Olivier, tu conduis assez bien apres avoir bu, meme a lautre cote du route!
ugh, je voulais dire #16
Excellent, and so true!
First comment here, but I do appreciate reading your posts on a regular basis.
As a car-free Parisian, I mostly drive rental cars while away en province, so no chance to be called “connasse de 75″ while there. It is fun to confuse people!
Marcelle… Thx - I’m glad you do!! Lots of good memories for me on LA freeways!!
Jessica… Well hello!! How have you been?! It’s very true. But my question in : Why is it that lawyers always need to pull up dirty tricks?!
Noodle… Bienvenue!! Glad to read your witty and funny post: sure you’re Parisian?!!
Born and raised en province; parisienne since 1993 though. Does this mean Parisians can’t have a terrific sense of humor or at the very least a sense of self-mockery? How about you?
In NYC we are aggressive as pedestrians and as drivers. Usually it is the taxis that cause the problems, but we are happy when they can get us where we need to be in mere minutes. Out of state plates- forget it! Clearly they can’t drive! LOL
I just discovered your blog, read the entire thing and watched all of your videos… hysterical (and informative) but that monies suit sure ain’t fly! Seriously dont ever wear it again. (I can’t stop giggling or say that with a straight face).
Kudos! I’m an 89 ..vroom!
Noodle… I’m afraid it’s just us two!
Amanda… My question is: who do NY cab drivers talk to for hours on the phone? Total mystery to me. They talk, then stop, then talk again…
Amanda… You don’t like my ghetto outfit?! I’m too hood for you, is that what it is?!
Marie Isabelle… 89 is Chablis. It shall not be made fun of!! Though…
Taxi drivers and phones- you never know if they are talking to you… and from the backseat we keep saying “what? what?”…
And about your wangsta outfit- too hood for me? You mean too 16eme? hahahaha (sorry, could’nt resist!) The cap can stay, the rest can go
Amanda… this is a public blog, we appreciate your sharing your fantasies with us, but come on…
Oh dear… that was risque! I meant I like the hat!
Amanda… yeah, we all got that
Hum… Amanda, i think you just earned yourself a little Chablis from Olivier…
Jacques… are you trying to get us to hook up?!!
Very funny articles about plates. You are right, we Parisians are sometimes not very cool with other drivers….Personnaly I never shout when I see a provincial plate or a foreign one…probably I’m an exception !
As a Parisian, I have of course this famous number 75 on my car…and I have also to tell you that it’s sometimes difficult to drive out of Paris. Sometimes I feel like a target !
I don’t tell you how many people want to learn me how to drive…Parisians have no right to hesitate
But now we’ll be allowed to choose our personal number and some Parisians will probably choose the number of their heart department.
As you know there are many Parisians from everywhere in France !
Jean-Claude… Welcome here! Yep, I guess people retaliate when we’re outside Paris!! As per choosing your own department, this is a bit random I find. At least, we managed to preserve some sense of origin…
That was a great read. I guess I could relate. I am from SoCal born and raised, now live in Michigan. The Calif. freeways are great for training drivers. What’s really funny is that we all think we are the best driver and everyone else are the worst. I know I stink as a driver so I think I won’t be driving ANYWHERE in France, otherwise I won’t hear the end of it. Great blog, keep up the good work. C’est magnifique, mon ami!
angelo