All Parisians under 50 years old always wear jeans. All Parisians over 50 years old never wear jeans.
Jeans is the new Parisian uniform. Not wearing jeans in Paris is pure subversion.
Parisian men love their jeans, for they are a fantastic means to make a strong social statement. For those of them who wear suits at work, fun time is chilled time: weekend is therefore jeans time. Regular pants would remind them of work too much. Jeans really are about freedom. So is the weekend.
For all Parisian men who do not need to wear suits at work, jeans are a shouting way to stress it. I am no slave to the system: I work in jeans. These Parisians have managed to turn jean wearing into an act of pure arrogance. Parisians really are brilliant.
Women also wear jeans. Constantly. While Parisian men usually own 2 or 3 pairs, it is frequent for Parisian women to own up to 10 pairs of jeans. When it comes to choosing a pair of jeans, Parisian women only ask themselves one question: Est-ce qu’il me fait un gros cul? (yes Parisian women can be rude like that). While Parisian men tend to stick to blue jeans, Parisian women do not hesitate to broaden their horizons going black and occasionally grey. Style is about daring, isn’t it?
As with every uniform, wearing jeans comes with a few rules.
Rule number one is that jeans are never to be worn with sneakers in Paris. A person walking the streets of Paris wearing jeans and New Balance shoes is American. The only exception to that rule is Converse shoes. This exception works for both genders. Converse and jeans are ok in Paris. Rule number two of jeans wearing is what could be called the Diesel controversy. Wearing Diesel jeans sends out a message that the wearer is ok with spending 300 euros on a pair of jeans. And he’s happy to throw that piece of information in your face. Which of course will make him the target of much talking about. Diesel jeans wearers shall now be prepared.
In the end, tucking or not tucking becomes the final assertion of one’s personality. For men, collared shirts ought to be tucked. Always. T Shirts and polo shirts ought not to. Never. For women, tucking is always a bad idea.
In the end, in Paris, not wearing jeans is a bit like wearing short-sleeves shirts: simply a decision Parisians are not ready to make.
Useful tip: The cut of your pair of jeans will tell much about your sexual orientations and availability. Be cautious. Sound like a Parisian: « Faut qu’j’m’achète un jean…»
The best ice cream in the world is made in Paris. Of course.
And it can be found at Berthillon. Parisians of all social classes know about Berthillon. Parisians of all social classes have tasted Berthillon.
Berthillon is one of the rare forms of luxury all Parisians can afford.
The beauty of Berthillon lies in the outstanding quality of its glaces et sorbets. But the Berthillon experience goes beyond the tasty delights they offer.
The Berthillon experience starts with a line. There is no touching a Berthillon cône glacé without standing in line for at least a few seconds or a few minutes. The line gives the Parisian the occasion to choose the flavours and the number of boules. One is usual. Two is for les gourmands.
Anything beyond two is for les Américains.
Once served, it is usual for the Parisian to go for a little stroll on L’Ile Saint Louis with his glace. The Parisian will systematically ask his co-Berthilloner ‘C’est bon?’ His is always ‘super bon’.
The Berthillon experience is vastly enhanced by the localization of Berthillon shops and resellers – exclusively on the Ile Saint Louis. Tasting a glace Berthillon is the only occurrence where the Parisian is happy to behave exactly like a tourist. Outside of that occurrence, it is a disgrace.
There is a form of pride in having Berthillon. Buying une glace Berthillon makes you all at once very gourmet, very distinguished, very in the know, very old school and very rich. Everytime he stops at Berthillon for ice cream, the Parisian will say it to all of the people he meets for the rest of the week. On s’est arrêtés chez Berthillon. Perfect namedropping.
The other Parisians will be jealous: Berthillon is the gift that keeps giving.
With the surge over the past decades of American and more recently Italian (yet French-based) ice-cream chains, Berthillon has a lot of competition.
By opting for a small family owned business which has never branched out or started selling ice cream in supermarkets, Parisians unconsciously know that, buying des glaces Berthillon, they do more than just treating themselves with a petit plaisir: they support a certain form of civilization. A certain idea of the world. A certain idea of Paris.
Useful tip: Come at night: Berthillon, Notre Dame and l’Isle Saint Louis under the Parisian skies is an irresistible combination Sound like a Parisian: « Berthillon?! Eh bah ça, va, tu te fais plaisir…»
Not the man – the tennis tournament. Known overseas as the French Open. Roland Garros is all good news for Parisians.
Firstly, it means spring has arrived. Roland Garros is the official kick-off of the best months of the year. The French open is allegedly a tennis tournament. Truth be told, it is Paris’ prime solarium. Parisians go to Roland Garros first and foremost to sunbathe.
Besides its tanning function, Roland Garros is one of the greatest social events in Paris. The beauty of Roland Garros lies in the fact that it is both completely exclusive and completely open. Whether one partook in the exclusive or in the generic experience, he can still brag with his friends: J’étais à Roland Garros hier. The evocation of Roland Garros comes with a beautiful touch of glamour and Parisian elegance. VIPs and corporate guests are allowed inside Le Village. The plebe will stick to Les Allées. Corporate snobs only spend 2 or 3 hours à Roland. A sunny and extended lunch break.
Once seated in Le Central, Parisians’ attention is hardly focused on tennis. They sure need to keep track of the score for future reference, but the real quest is to spot celebrities. Parisians find quite sweet the feeling of casually sharing hobbies and experiences with celebrities.
One of the things Parisians love about Roland Garros is that it’s situated on the outskirts of Paris in he beautiful Bois de Boulogne. Meaning, as opposed to many other sporting events, it does not screw up their lives by worsening traffic. There is really nothing bad about Roland Garros.
Late May, Paris is split into two categories of people. People who have tickets for la finale, and others. The first type of people is considered salauds by the second kind. The ticket possessors secretly agree and giggle in petto: they made it in life.
When going to Roland Garros, it is acceptable for Parisians to buy a souvenir. T-Shirts or towels are the most frequent choice. Tennis balls are also ok. While buying a branded souvenir from any other place they visit would be considered outrageously beauf, it is absolutely ok with Roland Garros gear. So is buying ice cream to enjoy while watching the games. Even for Parisian women…
A day out at Roland Garros really is pure indulgence.
Useful tip: Bring sunscreen. Sound like a Parisian: « Tu vas à Roland Garros ? Oooh, trop d’la chance »
By the age of 23, Parisians have found all their friends for life.
Parisians have three groups of friends. Childhood friends, friends from high school and friends from university. Add a handful of friends they met on vacations and the one or two remaining from the countless hours they spent as kids at sports or music practice and you’ll have it all. Amongst these, the actual main group of friends is the university friends. Other friends are kind of a chore to see.
It is important to realize that most Parisians are tired of most of their friends. Hence a natural defiance against new friends. They will probably be tired of them as well soon. Why bother?
Newcomers to Paris can therefore only befriend Parisians of age 23 and under. If aiming at 23+, only provinciaux and foreigners shall be available. The only way to make Parisian friends is to start a relationship with a person that has befriended Parisians when they were younger than 23. This will grant you the honor of hanging out with them.
When entering this prestigious circle, you shall be a disruptive element in a group that has most likely been static for several years. This will be the source of much jealousy, drama, and talking. Excessive friendliness will be considered obscene flirtation Be prepared to be hated by people of your gender or loved by people from the other. That is the rule of new interactions with Parisians.
Old friends give Parisians a strong sense of grounding urban life they feel deprived them of. Sticking to their friends also gives Parisians a real sense of comfort. By knowing their friends inside and out, they infer they know the world inside and out. Parisians are good at deductions.
As well.
Useful tip: Don’t bother ! Provinciaux tend to just be more fun anyway. Sound like a Parisian: « Je dîne avec Guillaume jeudi… pff, ca me saoule, mais j’ai déjà annulé deux fois, il faut vraiment qu’j’y aille »
Parisians have a deep love for the Seine. Love in Paris being tender but fierce, all Parisians find the Seine both incredibly beautiful and completely dégueulasse.
Criticism never hurts. Especially a river.
A Seine River Cruise is an emotionally loaded moment for every Parisian. It brings back childhood memories of the usual sortie de classe on the Bateaux-Mouches (Yes – the Parisian was once a child). Memories of his teen years when bringing his provincial cousin on a Seine river cruise was the worst imaginable chore. Memories of his student years when he grasped that the beauty of his city was his major asset to ever seal his romantic endeavours and finally discover physical pleasures (true - the Parisian is no early bloomer). Seine River Cruises are always striking moments in the life of the Parisian.
Yet, Seine river cruises is one of these things the Parisian likes without knowing or admitting he does. Everything the Parisian is able to say when hearing the phrase ‘Croisière sur la Seine’ is “C’est un truc de touristes”.
Nothing is more degrading for the Parisian than doing des trucs de touristes. But the Parisian has a good heart. So one day, as a grown up, he shall take his Spanish friends, his children, his clients or his mistress on a cruise along the Seine.
While on the boat, the Parisian will always stand outside – with his collar popped. Inside is for suckers. The Parisian likes to feel the wind, the sun, the brutality of the elements whipping his face.
Useful tip : To spot the Parisians on a Seine River Cruise, just look for people wearing sailing jackets. Sound like a Parisian: « J’ai fait une croisière sur la Seine l’autre jour, il f’sait hyper beau, c’était hyper sympa »
Paris is the city of fashion. Especially if fashion is defined by wearing black. Parisians love to wear black; black pants, black shoes, black coats, you name it.
Parisian women are especially fond of black clothes. It is well known that “le noir, ça mincit”. Parisian women having a mild obsession with looking thin, black is their best friend.
But besides its fantastic fat-erasing skills, black is a priceless social color in Paris. With black, you go unnoticed.
Going unnoticed is the dream of every Parisian. The Parisian does not want his clothes to reveal his singularity. The only singularity worth revealing in Paris is that of the mind. Therefore, the Parisian’s clothes ought to be simple: all Parisians know that “Le noir, c’est simple, c’est bien”.
The Parisian knows his colors. Parisians look at people dressed colourfully with a fair bit of disdain.
Style exuberance in Paris is considered offensive.
The mental sanity of a person bold enough to wear such outrageous colours as yellow or red will be questioned at once by all Parisians. There is no wearing red or yellow in Paris if you are mentally sane. Blue is acceptable. Especially navy blue which has the good taste of being easily mistakable for black.
The golden rule of black wearing only finds one exception. And that is a seasonal one. In the summertime, Parisian guys get to wear white. For « le blanc, c’est simple, c’est bien ».
Parisian girls will opt for la couleur de l’été. Every summer comes with a new official color dictated by women’s magazines. Color originality has its limits.
All Parisian girls happily accept this new seasonal paradigm. Walking in the streets of Paris on a ‘blue’ summer feels like walking through an urban Smurf village.
When the Parisian boyfriend points out at the ugliness of the color, the Parisian girlfriend systematically looks at him with a mix of desperation and exasperation.
« C’est hyper tendance cette couleur cet été, tu comprends rien ».
Indeed, Parisian men could make an effort: that was a simple one.
Useful tip : Do not wear black only. A white collar is always an elegant…and simple addition. Sound like a Parisian: « J’ me suis acheté un ptit pull noir, tout simple, super mignon… »
Thinking differently in Paris does not imply radical or in-depth questionings. Thinking differently simply implies appearing to be thinking differently. In Paris, this takes the form of having theories.
Parisians have an opinion about most things, thus making it clear they have a significant knowledge about most things in life.
Having theories takes this to the next level. Theories prove that not only does the Parisian have more information and knowledge than other people, but he also processed that information through his own personal filter. The superiority filter.
Parisians have theories about everything and everyone. They do though have a special liking for theories that revolve around politics. By politics, the Parisian intends two things: intestine battles for power, and politicians’ sex life.
Coming up with blunt media-ingested-type information is a sign of mental weakness in Paris. To come up with a good theory, the Parisian needs to connect facts that are usually not connected or bring new elements to the table. It is important to appear to be doing this in an intelligent manner. Theories are all about shedding a new light. Parisians create the light.
To introduce his theories, the Parisian will use three introductive clues: ‘j’ai ma théorie’ usually works for theories about people but show that the theory is not really a serious one; ‘j’ai une théorie’ shows others that some serious thinking has been put into it – others will listen, for their intellect has been turned on by this expression; the most Machiavellian Parisians will use theory after theory but never warning that these are theories. Other people, including Parisians, will be fooled and will inevitably reach the conclusion that this Parisian is extremely cultivé and intelligent.
It is important to realize that very few Parisians form their own theories. Most Parisians repeat theories they heard on TV, or from their really smart uncle. No actual credit is ever given to the actual source. The actual source is always the Parisian.
When a theory has become repeated so much that it stops being a catchy theory in Paris, Parisians usually start refraining from using it, for they do not want to come across as fake theory people. They shall nonetheless recycle these old theories when they go en province. For obviously, Parisians have a theory about provinciaux : they have no clue.
Useful tip: Use theories with parsimony, at the risk of appearing as an adept of conspiracy theories which is the a brutal form of disgrace in Paris. Sound like a Parisian: « Moi j’ai une théorie : les gens qui portent des pantalons à pince… »
Overall, Parisians are bored individuals. Been there, done that, heard this, said that, read this, ate that…
You name it. Parisians believe that they are at the top of the world. As all great leaders and kings, Parisians need fools to entertain them. To Parisians, the most entertaining person in France is Nicolas Sarkozy.
By far.
Parisians hardly indulge in what they consider vulgar forms of entertainment: playing sports, drinking, sunbathing or having a good time. Parisians’ deepest pleasure is to be found in conversing and debating about social, geostrategic or political issues.
Nicolas Sarkozy represents a fresh figure Parisians cannot get enough of. Parisians are for or against Sarko. They like his style and his ideas or not. After two decades of passive governance, Sarkozy pulls new political and social triggers, thus enriching and thickening Parisians debates. Parisians fail to admit it, but they are thankful for having their conversations freshened up a bit.
In Paris, even conversations not related to the three subjects mentioned above will be fuelled with a Sarko comment these days. Sports conversation? Sarko jogs. Divorce conversation? Look at Sarko. Fashion conversation? Sarko’s wife. Wealth conversation? his fancy watch collection. Friendship conversation? Sarko’s tycoon friends. Drugs conversation? Is he doing coke? Music conversation? He likes Chimène Badi.
Parisians are absolutely fascinated by Nicolas Sarkozy. He is a shiny object.
All layers of society suffer a Sarkozy addiction in their conversations. For Sarkozy is present on the celebrity, arts, fashion, political and social scenes. It is easy to link all subjects to Nicolas Sarkozy. Nicolas Sarkozy is a conversation lubricant in Paris.
Expectedly, the fact that Sarkommenting has become a Parisian habit is being commented upon. As all things gone mainstream in Paris, it is now becoming vulgar to keep mentioning Sarkozy in every conversation.
Look at Sarko… Does he do that?!!
Useful tip: For guaranteed success in Parisian’s salon, mention one of Sarkozy’s pre-Carla alleged sex flings: Emmanuelle Béart. If you do so, never reveal your sources. You just happen to know people. Sound like a Parisian: « Ouais, enfin, les vacances, regarde Sarko, il va sur le yacht de son copain Bolloré… »
In Paris, academic performance is the main – if not the only – determinant of intelligence. Consequently, people who did graduate from a Grande Ecole are considered superior beings.
‘Faire de bonnes études’ in France means only two things: ‘faire médecine’ or ‘faire une grande école’. All the rest is crap.
Les Grandes Ecoles are a highly competitive set of graduate schools. They fall into two categories: commerce (ESSEC, HEC) and ingénieur (Polytechnique, Centrale, Mines, Ponts). Add Sciences-Po (which is half way through) and Ulm (which is not properly une école) to that list and there you have your French Grandes Ecoles. Conveniently, they are all based in the surroundings of Paris. (Where else?)
Graduating from a Grande Ecole leaves in the Parisian subconscious mind a more lasting mark than a tattoo on a Finn’s skin. Most Parisians who did not graduate from a Grande Ecole consequently feel a form of discomfort about it. They might be great parents, great professionals or great people, they just missed that key milestone of Parisian intelligence.
It is therefore every Parisian’s dream to have at least one of his children entering a Grande Ecole. If that happens, the Parisian can die in peace.
The fact that a person is a student or an alumnus of a Grande Ecole usually comes early in a conversation. Rarely though from the actual graduate: more frequently, this piece of information is brought to the table by the inferior friend, who is too happy to boast a Grande Ecole friend in front of his other inferior friends: ‘j’étais là-bas avec Marc, tu sais, mon copain centralien…’. At this point, the Grande Ecole graduate adopts a humble ‘I’m just like you guys’ profile. On top of being smarter, he is also sympa. This makes others admire him even more.
Grandes Ecoles are hard to get into. What it takes is excellent grades, hard work, educated parents and a hint of luck. The most fantastic thing about putting together that combination of things is that no matter what he does with his life, Parisians will always consider the person who graduated from a Grande Ecole as superior. And therefore entitled, throughout his career.
The fact that most Grande Ecole graduates end up being grey corporate executives is not relevant. Their intelligence has been vouched already. They won. Everybody else lost. It is important to realize that in Paris, no successful entrepreneur, artist, writer, chef, artisan can be considered part of the elite (at least in this lifetime). This category is exclusively reserved to Grandes Ecoles alumni. Other people are expected to move on.
By understanding that intelligence is one fold and fully determined at age 20, Parisians manage to offer the world an easily readable social scale. Finally! Merci qui?
Useful tip: The most obvious form of professional success in Paris is to be a Grande Ecole almuni’s boss. Sound like a Parisian: « Tu sais que Caroline se marie?! Un garçon très bien, ESSEC, super sympa… »
In France today, by law, wine is considered a degrading drug, a dangerous one.
I believe wine is a civilized thing, a beautiful element of culture, a way to reach yourself and others.
Through this post, along with all other French wine bloggers today, I would like to draw your attention to this problem. If we let judges destroy our beautiful culture of wine, here’s what the world of wine on the internet in France will look like tomorrow: www.le-vin-sur-internet.fr
Wine is a beautiful thing.
We should teach people the sense of good taste, moderation and refinement – not hit with debilitating oppression. It is the responsibility of French politicians today to support the French wine industry, to stop criminalizing wine drinkers and wine lovers.
I hereby, in the name of wine drinkers from all countries, invite French politicians to amend la Loi Evin to offer a more decent legal existence to the culture of wine in France.
And thus to allow the survival of the richness and diversity of French wine production.
Yes… France as a country has become that stupid that it does not stand for its wine industry – you read well!
Finding out about the age of a Parisian is easy.
In the end, tucking or not tucking becomes the final assertion of one’s personality. For men, collared shirts ought to be tucked. Always. T Shirts and polo shirts ought not to. Never. For women, tucking is always a bad idea.![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
